Dreams - The Life and Thoughts of Zach
Sep. 8th, 2003
07:10 am - Dreams
Man I just had a seriously marathon dream. This one was a classic, I mean it had all kinds of cliche surreal dream elements in it that my dreams don't normally have.
I'm sitting in a deserted bus depot very early in the morning in my home town (my home town does not have a bus depot) waiting to catch a greyhound back to Urbana to go to work first thing in the morning when a cop car pulls up. The cop is an Urbana cop and he offers me a ride back to Urbana. In the world of the dream this has happened before. I hadn't called the cop he just showed up, somehow knew I'd be there. I wasn't scared of the cop, like I'd be in real life, he was some guy that I had a friendly "come pick me up at the bus station" relationship with. For some reason this cop really wanted to do favors for me and in the dream I didn't quite know why, perhaps just because he's a public servant who takes his job seriously. When we got to the Urbana bus station I hopped on a local bus to campus (it was a 1 Yellow South). As we rode though the bus got in a turn lane that I didn't expect and I asked why and the driver said he was going to drive me straight to work by going a block off the route. I looked ahead and saw that there were people waiting at the bus station that was going to be missed and I told the driver he should really get those people. He wasn't going to do it because he said I had to get to work on time. So I told him I needed to go to the Union to do some banking before work anyway. So then he did. Then it turned out the driver of the bus was the same cop and as I got off the bus at Beckman (not the Union because I was just sick of being done favors that I didn't deserve) he demanded $10 payment for the combination of the ride from Wauconda and the bus ride. It seemed like he was pretty miffed that I hadn't been appreciative enough (even though I'd thanked him many times and had never expected or asked for the favor) and decided that if I was going to take it for granted then I had to pay. I had no problem with paying and thought I should pay more but gave him the $10 and got off the bus feeling both guilty (for not understanding what was expected of me) and satisfied that I'd finally figured out why for so many months this random friendly cop had been stalking me at bus stations to give me a ride home, apparently he was just trying to make some under the table cash as a taxi service.
As soon as I got off the bus I found that I was unable to walk. My legs were so stiff as to be nearly paralyzed. This is a FREQUENT recurring dream theme for me, being unable to move my muscles. I think it comes from dreaming on the verge of waking and having the effects of sleep paralysis in real life extending into the dream. Anyway I thought of all this inside my dream, that it was just the same feeling I had when I was dreaming and that was pretty weird. But then I realized it was because the wind was blowing REALLY HARD. I noticed the people around me going in the same direction as me were all struggling to move forward. So I ducked into a nearby Lord and Taylor (we have no such store on campus), which was part of a mall (there is no mall on campus) that I could use as a short cut out of the wind towards the union). This whole sequence was really cool because as I realized what was going on with the wind the other people in the dream showed the appropriate behavior, people walking the other direction from me were going really fast and easily, people walking into the revolving doors of the lord and taylor had their speeds change as the direction of their motion with respect to the wind changed, the whole process of "docking" with the revolving door was actually pretty difficult in this windy field of force.
Once inside the Lord and Taylor I was instantly assaulted by the sense of being COMPLETELY out of place. I was surrounded by beautiful fashionable people who all looked down on me for how I presented myself (dressed like me AND highly disheveled from traveling and wind) and the stench of heavy perfume. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. Luckily I saw an exit sign across the store and tried to walk towards it. The weird thing is that as I tried to walk I found I was still nearly paralyzed. I didn't spend time to think about this because I was SO embarrassed to be walking like a total spaz in front of all these people. So I struggled my way to the exit sign.
When I got there I hit a few new obstacles. First there was a wall made of mesh netting and packed into the netting were hundreds of naked people having some sort of orgiastic action going on. I had to squeeze through that without hurting anyone or getting in the way of their action. Then on the other side I found myself in a narrow passage full of ancient electronics and network cables and alarm circuits and rusted out old desk fans and a deserted sales counter. For some reason I had to go through this area without disturbing any wires or touching any of the rusty fans (or maybe an alarm would go off or I'd get infected or something).
It was at this point that my character in the dream realized he must be dreaming. Now I've never had a dream where my character in the dream knew he was dreaming before and the character in the dream hadn't either. So in the dream I pondered that fact for a few minutes and realized that I had no idea how to try to wake up. Somehow I was able to start to perceive the difference between my dream consciousness and my "real" consciousness and my dream-self tried to force the eyes of my "real" consciousness open.
As my eyes opened "in the real world" I found myself in a bed and saw VERY blurry images. My eyes were as paralyzed as my legs had been and my body REALLY didn't want to wake up. I comforted myself in the thought that at least the dream was over, perhaps it was too early to wake up but I really ought to get out of bed and document this dream in live journal.
As I perceived my room more and more, it turned out to be my old upstairs bedroom in my parents house. A room I haven't lived in since I was like 10 or so. But I wasn't 10 in the dream I was my age. I didn't realize even at this point that I was still dreaming. My dream self was happy to have woken up from the dream.
But then from under the bed there was a haunting voice. The voice said something about how some woman (made up female name that made sense in the dream) loved the voice and not me. I was distraught. My world crumbled. I cried. I pulled into a ball. I rolled around in agony. How could this be? Then slowly I realized that I had no idea who that woman was so why did I care? Then I had this REALLY pithy quote about love and it's true meaning, this great final conclusion in my head that gave me a sense of contentment and I HAVE FORGOTTEN IT. The most important part of the dream and it's gone, I'll never be able to prove just how brilliant the dialog in my dream was. Then suspecting that the whole voice thing was another dream thing I forced myself out of the dream bed.
I started being REALLY nervous that there was something important I had to do early that morning. I started digging through the mountainous pile of laundry that was in the closet thinking that something in there would remind me of a phone message (?!) that I'd lost that would remind me what I was supposed to do. Whatever I had to do, it had something to do with Robb (rolandkale).
But then I didn't find the message I found a white laundry bag with Jake (my former high school roommate) inside of it. Apparently he'd been hiding out there so that he could do the scary voice from under my bed and help me gain enlightenment. I asked him who the woman was and he said he just made her up. He asked if I recognized the character he was doing with the voice and I didn't. He said it was a Bill Murray character from some movie. We both laughed in-jokingly about the whole situation and I told him about my dreams of the night.
And then I woke up in my real room, laid around too tired to get up and document this dream even though I knew it was a moral imperative to do so before I forgot the details of the brilliant moment of clarity about love, and eventually finally stumbled over to the computer and wrote this. I'm going back to sleep now.
(Oh I just remembered, somewhere in that dream or perhaps in another dream there was another scene. Sascha (sdm) was moving somewhere and he had 100 boxes of dishes and kitchenware that he had to store somewhere while he was between houses. Faith (juvenilia) in-joked that in previous house moves he'd actually shipped some of the boxes to Japan and Sweden because there was no place else to store them. I said that at work there were a bunch of unused closets that he could put them in where no one would notice them for months at a time. So we went to this building that was my work and it was very dark there and we were sneaking in after hours trying to avoid the security guards. All along the floor were these 2 foot high wood cabinets just like the ones in my back hallway here at home. Normally they'd be empty but on this trip we found they had all kinds of stuff in them and we searched through several floors looking for the empty ones. I felt totally stupid because I'd made this claim of infinite free storage space and it turned out to be false and then some security guards heard us and turned on the lights (all this time it was complete darkness and stumbling). We told him what we were up to and I showed him my ID to prove that I was an employee there with the right to access the building. He laughed about it all and offered to share a joint with us which we accepted. Then there was a whole extended smoking scene where some funny things happened that I don't remember.)