Zach Miller (zarfmouse) wrote,
Zach Miller

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On Failing to Date

I keep meaning to write LJ posts about all the people that friends and family have subtly been trying to set me up with that I've been COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to lately. I'm really not good at the whole dating thing at all. When some friend introduces me to some girl and she strikes up the small talk I immediately think she's just being polite and can't wait to get back to the rest of the party so I try to give her the out to do so by not getting too deep into conversation and only MUCH LATER to I find out that apparently she thought I was cool/cute/whatever or at the very least my friends/family thought that we'd really get along because we had X in common (which never actually came up in the small talk because I'm a dork).

I still don't understand how it was that I was CONSTANTLY partnered with people for 9 years of my life. Whenever a relationship would end, a new one would start shortly after. I didn't work at that, it just happened. It doesn't happen anymore and now I have to learn what kind of work even needs to be done.

I think all of this is hilarious because I don't have low self-esteem and I'm an outgoing extroverted guy. But I have just always assumed that in generic social situations, among complete strangers, the first impression of me is that I am boring and unsexy. Perhaps it doesn't help that as an organizer I tend to throw parties and go into host mode MUCH more often than I go to parties as a guest, so when I am a guest I get shy and feel like I have no idea what I am supposed to be DOING.

I have never in my entire life asked a girl for her phone number with romantic intentions. Isn't that weird?

I think sometimes I'm deathly afraid of being perceived as an oggler, an objectifier, an asshole. I don't want to make the first move (where move is something as simple as _asking_ someone on a date or getting a phone number) because to do so would reaffirm some male stereotype if the move was in fact unwanted. I'd be contributing to a culture where just being female means people hit on you. I mean any girl I can think of has complained about this how do I differentiate myself who is interested in her because I think she's cool from that other guy who just saw some hot chick across the bar and thought he'd try his luck?

These are just things I think about and get amused about. In the end I know randomness will bring me and someone together sometime. It always has and when it does it isn't so uncomfortable.
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