I still don't understand how it was that I was CONSTANTLY partnered with people for 9 years of my life. Whenever a relationship would end, a new one would start shortly after. I didn't work at that, it just happened. It doesn't happen anymore and now I have to learn what kind of work even needs to be done.
I think all of this is hilarious because I don't have low self-esteem and I'm an outgoing extroverted guy. But I have just always assumed that in generic social situations, among complete strangers, the first impression of me is that I am boring and unsexy. Perhaps it doesn't help that as an organizer I tend to throw parties and go into host mode MUCH more often than I go to parties as a guest, so when I am a guest I get shy and feel like I have no idea what I am supposed to be DOING.
I have never in my entire life asked a girl for her phone number with romantic intentions. Isn't that weird?
I think sometimes I'm deathly afraid of being perceived as an oggler, an objectifier, an asshole. I don't want to make the first move (where move is something as simple as _asking_ someone on a date or getting a phone number) because to do so would reaffirm some male stereotype if the move was in fact unwanted. I'd be contributing to a culture where just being female means people hit on you. I mean any girl I can think of has complained about this reality...so how do I differentiate myself who is interested in her because I think she's cool from that other guy who just saw some hot chick across the bar and thought he'd try his luck?
These are just things I think about and get amused about. In the end I know randomness will bring me and someone together sometime. It always has and when it does it isn't so uncomfortable.