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The Date - The Life and Thoughts of Zach

Feb. 12th, 2004

11:21 pm - The Date

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(Edit: By permission of cassiopia this is now a public post, it was friends only before.)

The date went well!

She drove up from Louisville, KY to meet me at The Courier. We hadn't discussed too many details other than the fact that she should plan to stay the night. We were clear to each other that there wasn't any implication to that. She could stay in a guest bed, it just seemed silly for her to drive for 4 hours each way only to hang out for a few hours that evening.
We had dinner, made small talk, I gave her a tour of the IMC, we rented a movie. We watched Lost In Translation. Which was awesome.

As we watched the movie we both started playing the inching game. Inching towards cuddling. It should have been objectively obvious that we both wanted very much to sit close and touch and flirt and such but we both stopped about an inch from final contact...waiting for the other person to inch the final inch. It never happened, I even though she kind of backed off a bit. So I backed off a bit, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or to rush anything. This was after all just a first date between strangers from the Internet.

So then the movie was over and we decided to play Stoner Fluxx. We did that for a bit and I played some albums throughout. We continued to make small talk but there was a definite stilted feeling to it. We both kept sinking into uncomfortable silences wondering what to talk about next, where this date was headed. I kept having this feeling that I was doing something really wrong. Oh, this girl must think I'm a loser.

But we both remained interested in the random bits that we did think of to talk about. Eventually the topic of flirtation came up. She was mentioning how she's so oblivious to flirting that she normally has to be hit with a "clue fish" (an inside joke for her crowd that she explained to me) when people are flirting with her. I related a similar complete ignorance about flirting.

Was this a sign? Probably, I thought, but best not to risk it and come off as too forward. The conversation tried to drift and then I just screwed up the courage to ask:

"So, am I not flirting with you because I correctly read signals from you that you aren't interested in flirting or are we not flirting with each other because we're both too damned shy?"

She said "probably we're shy."

I scooted in closer and suggested we at the very least hold hands. Then I just kissed her and she kissed back and we smiled.

Duh. We'd both been attracted to each other, we both dug each other. Small talk we can do online, we wanted to make out. And we wasted hours being mutually super-shy. We later found a number of choice Anya quotes to be pretty damned apt to our situation.

Anyway, before you knew it we were naked in my bed and the rest can be left to the imagination. It was nice.

Anyway, next morning I had to go to work early for a meeting about my transition out of my job at NCSA. I told her to take her time waking up and I'd cut out of work early and see her off.

I came home and made pancakes and we had breakfast and sat around chatting with my roomates, cuddling, and watching TV.

Evening arrived and she was going to leave at 7 or so but then I mentioned that Angel would be on at 8 so she should stay for that. She stayed for Angel and Papa Del's pizza and then we retired back to my room to hang out. We talked and cuddled some more and she decided she was going to stay another night because it was too late to drive back. She was going to just be late for work. More nakedness and a LOT more talking while we spooned in bed before falling asleep. With the uncertainty about flirting out of the way and a lot of barriers broken down and significant physical comfort established, our discussions really became a lot more interesting and personal, they felt more like discussion and less like small talk.

The next morning she decided just not to go to work at all, rather than be late. I decided to "work from home" (basically get my work done at night after she was gone). We spend the day today lounging about talking and playing games and watching TiVo. Very very comfortable.

I missed some work (nothing I won't make up over the next few days) and some IMC meetings (nothing important). I just kind of took a spontaneous vacation from the world. I didn't answer the phone, I didn't read email. It was a fantastic and comfortable break.

She really didn't want to go tonight either but reality was setting in for both of us and she took off. Hopefully she'll get enough sleep tonight.

I feel bad that I wasn't more entertaining during our extended date. Since I didn't know what to expect and didn't think it'd last so long I hadn't really thought ahead about fun stuff to do. I look forward to future dates wherein we might go see some shows or take trips or do other date-like social activities rather than vegging out around my house. But she didn't seem to mind the vegging and the lapses in conversation that two nervous shy strangers with completely unshared lives are bound to have over the course of 48 hours.

Now here's the thing. I've made it very clear to myself and the world that I'm not interested in a long distance relationship. So what changed? Well, it WAS still just a first date. There will be more dates. This is exploratory, maybe I was wrong about the LDR thing, maybe I wasn't. We'll find out. Second of all, she's actually daydreaming semi-seriously about the possibility of moving to CU if things between us get serious, she wants to leave her job, she doesn't mind leaving her city, etc. That's a HUGE leap of faith to make for a stranger from the Internet and I don't put too much thought into it. That's a question for the future. For now, I just like hanging out with this cool chick who actually sought me out. I didn't go looking for an LDR but if one may have found me, then so be it.

Honestly, this town has no single people my age who would ever be interested in me anyway. It's kind of refreshingly unique to date someone that wasn't already a friend. Totally different. Challenging but it also keeps life from being too much of a feedback loop.

She seems kind of worried about her perception that I'm somehow more "worldly" or "intellectual" than her or that she's not "political" enough for me or some other such bullshit. I could really care less about that stuff that has to do with the lowest level of thought "knowledge". What I'm totally attracted to in her is that she's really laid back and open-minded and interested. She's extremely friendly. Definitely she's the sort of person I very much want to know better and could see getting along quite well.

Of course, it's also only a first date. It might have been a 48 hour first date but still, just a first date. It's long distance. We're not going to see each other again for 2 weeks (though I'm sure we'll IM a fair bit). Worst case scenario is that this girl and I have a ton of fun together getting to know each other, best case scenario, that fun doesn't end. Seems like a fine deal to me.

Life has taken two wildly unexpected positive turns (wireless and dating) in the span of 2 weeks. Wild.

Comments:

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From:uss_hairball
Date:February 13th, 2004 07:10 am (UTC)
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*hug* I'm glad you had a wonderful time with such a cool-sounding person! I'm jealous, you know. I had a very similar situation to yours in December, but he decided that he couldn't do the long-distance thing a week after our "date." *sigh* I suppose he and I do have an 8-year friendship that he, for some reason, perceives us risking, but I still kind of think that a wee more fun might have been a healthy thing for the two of us... :P Ah, well. Have good, happy, healthy fun, you hear? ;)
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From:zarfmouse
Date:February 13th, 2004 07:47 am (UTC)

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Yah my feelings against LDR were pretty strict. But this girl was relentless. I warned her and warned her that LDR seemed like it could be a problem and she still wanted to drive out. It's hard to turn down a relentless suitor that is also cool. :)

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From:assclouds
Date:February 13th, 2004 07:38 am (UTC)

It's obviously late for this

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But you do know that I own Lost In Translation, right?
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From:juvenilia
Date:February 15th, 2004 12:55 am (UTC)

Re: It's obviously late for this

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really? can i borrow it? elly's been harrassing me to watch that since it came out.
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From:assclouds
Date:February 15th, 2004 05:09 am (UTC)

Re: It's obviously late for this

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Yar, and yar.
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From:juvenilia
Date:February 15th, 2004 04:27 pm (UTC)

Re: It's obviously late for this

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cool. when?
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From:assclouds
Date:February 15th, 2004 05:55 pm (UTC)

Re: It's obviously late for this

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Anytime.
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From:marezcharz
Date:February 13th, 2004 03:44 pm (UTC)
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I was smiling the whole time I read this. I am so happy for you.

Methinks that the first part of the date, the inching, is great. I dig the not-so-sure, second-guessing thing. It makes for a great tease. And then when things finally break the dam, holy moly! WhooHoo!

I am so happy for you and hope things work out well for you.

She's a lucky girl. =)
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From:boldmoves
Date:February 13th, 2004 04:20 pm (UTC)
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Yay! Yay! Yay! I love it! To just spontaneously take that kind of time and enjoy the moment--sooooo beautiful. You are so awesome!
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From:aletheis
Date:February 13th, 2004 05:23 pm (UTC)
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Wow! i'm so happy for you, Zach. i'd mentioned over and over to our mutual friends how much i hope that you will find someone wonderful to share life with you. It saddened me that such an intelligent, passionate person could be so lonely at times (despite having spiffy friends-- ;) we know it's a different kind of loneliness though).

i wish you both the best! Keep me updated!
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From:zarfmouse
Date:February 13th, 2004 05:36 pm (UTC)

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Thank you! :)
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From:samadore
Date:February 13th, 2004 09:09 pm (UTC)

Unprecedented

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Congratulations Zach! That could be the most successful first date ever! At least in my admittedly small sphere of experience. She must be cool to click with you.
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From:nomadwolf
Date:February 23rd, 2004 01:43 pm (UTC)
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Wow, I totally missed this one before... but probably because I was in Taipei that weekend.

Anyway, you have wireless! cool! Date doesn't sound too bad either. :D

Nah, that sounds like a fantastic turn of circumstances... it was kinda cool reading it in her journal before yours.

And I find it amusing that you two rented "Lost in Translation" 5 days before it opened in theatres out here (V-day eve)... and, man, the lines at the theater on V-Day were just bloody nuts. 45 minutes to get to the ticket office. Oddly enough, it wasn't sold out.

Maya -- Good Day and Good Bye -- HwanCheong
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