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In response to a survey in soulsong's journal about whether our… - The Life and Thoughts of Zach

Sep. 10th, 2003

12:51 pm

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In response to a survey in soulsong's journal about whether our friendships are based on entertainment or commitment.

The kind of people who entertain me are the kind of people who are highly empathic and highly sharing. I mean a social gathering isn't fun if one person is dominating the scene by "being an entertainer". A social gathering is fun when everyone is sharing in the fun because everyone understands the give and take, the flow of the conversation, the mood of the room. My good friends are entertained by in-jokes and _shared_ silliness and we don't depend on any subset of us to create the fun, we create it together.

So my friends are all entertaining but not because they are self-centered entertainers. They are entertaining because they are the kind of people who are down to earth and honest and would always be there for you when you need it. Put a bunch of those people together in a room together and good content easy going fun times are had by all. The self-centered egomaniac "performer" types drive me nuts and I don't put much effort into spending time with them.

And I think the whole process feeds itself. I think people are more likely to "be there" for people they've shared a lot of positive (entertaining) social interaction with. And people are more open and comfortable with themselves (entertaining) when they are with people that they know they can trust.

Comments:

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From:folkyboy
Date:September 10th, 2003 11:16 am (UTC)
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i think i honestly prefer people who are entertaining. i don't necessarily want someone who is "there for me" because that usually implies i have to be there for them all the time and i don't want that guilt trip if i don't feel like doing that.

i guess i'm just a bitch. heh
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From:samwize
Date:September 10th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)
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Well, one thing I've noticed, Zach, is that our group of friends (at least were they overlap) tend to be some of the flat out funniest people I've ever met. So I just think of it as "People I like to be around".
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From:domystic
Date:September 10th, 2003 12:43 pm (UTC)

entertainment or commitment?

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why those 2 particulars? why not...
beers or wine?
hiking or shopping?
biaggi's or rentertainment?
cats or oranges?
entertainment or commitment? (oops)
de la soul or milton?
i merely remark. see you at the embassy.
-leigh
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:11 pm (UTC)

Re: Buffy wasn't hurt

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I don't know why those two really, it was soulsong's survey not mine. I think what I was trying to say above is related to your question. I don't think that entertainment vs. commitment are two sides of a dichotomy, I think they are different dimensions of friendship that are both important and neccessary and interrelated and yet still not the whole picture. I can't imagine how to pry them apart.


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From:domystic
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:12 pm (UTC)

Re: Buffy wasn't hurt

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that is EXACTLY how i feel about cats and oranges.
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 02:14 pm (UTC)
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btw, please see below regarding the subject line. :)
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From:mr_ducktape
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:32 pm (UTC)

Re: Buffy wasn't hurt

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Uh ... Buffy wasn't hurt?

???
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:35 pm (UTC)
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See below.
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:34 pm (UTC)

Re: Buffy wasn't hurt

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Damn! That's hilarious.

Please disregard my subject line. I have this form auto-completer feature on my browser that "remembers" old subject lines from old posts. The last time I used the subject "Buffy wasn't hurt" was probably about 6 months ago and the stupid computer decided that it was probably what I wanted to say now even though it wasn't and I didn't notice before I had already posted.
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From:spillshercoffee
Date:September 10th, 2003 01:20 pm (UTC)
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Amen to all that. I heartily agree.
And those who are willing to give back rubs are also quite lovely to have around.
;)
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 02:19 pm (UTC)
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everybody needs backrubs.

I went and got a professional massage from an acquantance a few weeks ago and it was SO disappointing. I mean it wasn't really any better than what I get for free from friends. I thought maybe since friend massages were so great that one I paid for would be trancendant. Though now I'm intrigued about trying a few other professional massagers and seeing if maybe this person was just not that good at it yet.

For what it's worth I was unhappy with how short the massage I gave you ended up being. I felt like such a muscle-tease not actually working out more of those knots. Next time we break out the oil so it lasts longer. :)

I think friends should spend a MUCH higher percentage of their time rubbing each other. We'd all be so much more relaxed.


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From:boannan
Date:September 10th, 2003 08:24 pm (UTC)
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as someone with some serious back and arm muscle issues I can highly recommend the professional massage bit. all the knots come out and you are one relaxed, mellow puppy afterwards. I think you just gotta find somebody really good (there's a guy at the berkeley rec center who gives really great massages). then again berkeley is like massage/alternative - holistic therapy mecca, so it could just be a symptom of that. or maybe my friends just don't give good enough massages! ;)
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 09:30 pm (UTC)
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This person certainly did a more thorough job than a casual massage and I could tell she'd studied some techniques but since it was only a half an hour she didn't spend very much time on any one area. I think if you're going to do legs and arms and face and include stretching exercises all in the massage it's gotta be longer than 30 minutes. If it's gonna be 30 minutes then maybe it makes more sense to focus on the back.

Also I think she was just really inexperienced. She was working out of the coat closet of a local hotel. I'm sure if I went to one of the more well known local massagers it'd be more awesome. I'm also sure that given some time she'll get better at it.

I only got this because this random person that I hadn't talked to in over a year IM'ed me and said basically "I have a massage business now, wanna buy one." and I had to reward the direct marketting effort. :)

This is also a person that I've always found to be fairly lacking in the empathy realm.

Here's a question of massage ettiquette for ya though...when you're paying for a massage do you give any feedback to the massager? I mean when I'm giving a massage there's nothing more valuable than the sighs/moans/purrs/whatever of the massagee to tell me if I'm hiting the right spots. And when I'm getting a massage I like to let loose with whatever happy sounds my body feels like making, it's relaxing. But it just seems kinda creepy to make ANY HAPPY SOUNDS AT ALL when you're half naked alone in a room with a professional massager who is supposed to be entirely detached from the sensuality of the experience. I think that's why I prefer to massage and be massaged by people that I'm comfortable reacting around.
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From:spillshercoffee
Date:September 10th, 2003 10:23 pm (UTC)
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Oh.. you're SUCH a TEASE, Zach.
I demand better next time!
GeeZ!
Simlply must get oily next time.
Ooh yeah.
;)
Heh heh.

Oy.

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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 10:29 pm (UTC)
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Are you making fun of me? :P


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From:spillshercoffee
Date:September 10th, 2003 10:52 pm (UTC)
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Actually, I'm making fun of myself.
But if you wanna join in the fun, be my guest.
:P

;)
Seriously, bring oil next time.
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From:marezcharz
Date:September 15th, 2003 10:54 am (UTC)
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Rub-a-dub-dub! Yeee HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!
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From:superlemming13
Date:September 10th, 2003 02:11 pm (UTC)
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Zach, I agree with you entirely, which makes it seem odd that you're my arch nemesis...
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From:zarfmouse
Date:September 10th, 2003 02:13 pm (UTC)
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Man, I totally didn't get the memo on that one.
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From:superlemming13
Date:September 10th, 2003 06:03 pm (UTC)
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Ah! Sonuva!
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